Journal #4: Losing a Friend

Two Words

I’m Done.

Today, February 26, the day of her birthday, I lost my best friend. Losing someone by death is rough, you will never hear there voice, hold there hand or watch them smile…but losing someone to there own ego is harder because you still see them and hear them but you know that there no longer in there. It’s like a body who looks, speaks and breaths like them but the real them was replaced, like someone ripped them right out and scrubbed the body clean. I feel like I lost myself today as if she left and took a part of me with her, the memories we made are just pictures in a scrapbook and the secrets we shared have flown away. Does this feeling of numbness ever go away? It’s not like I told her it was over but as soon as she through me under the bus I felt like my choice was already made from there. I sat through 2 periods and I felt nothing, I was speaking but it felt like it wasn’t my voice as if she took my voice with her as she left my life. In months before this day she was already starting to walk away from me, by saying rude things and acting as if I wasn’t cool enough, and as she walked I felt my voice leave me, like I could no longer share my thoughts because I would be judged. I lost her to herself because she thinks that popularity is the key to being loved…little does she know that is the key to being hated. I used to think money powered greed but it is status that empowers greed and it’s upsetting to know that people find comfort in that.

~XOXO Donatella

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10 thoughts on “Journal #4: Losing a Friend

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  1. I am old – this hurts like hell now but I promise it will pass. I know this sounds stupid but you will be the stronger for it and I promise you will see that too. Before long you will realize what was really inside your “friend” and it will help assessing future relationships. Sounds like BS but hang in there and all will be OK.

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  2. I went through this exact situation 4 years ago my junior year in college. It b truly does hurt. Your best friend becomes a family member to you, like a sister. But I do agree that with time the pain fades, the sadness deminished…but a little sadness is left over for the friendship and memories you once shared but not enough that you lose any sleep over it. Time truly heals. Good luck!

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